Billygean.co.uk

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Retroactive blogging

It's 2003. I'm at Mike's house for some days in the long Christmas holiday.

"How do you like your steak?" Mike's mum says.

"Oh, well done," I say, smiling at Mike, for I cried at his rare steak when I had the realisation it used to be a cow. Honestly is it just me who has an aversion to eating raw meat?

Mike's mum brings the food out after a significant wait for mine. Mike cuts his open. It's bright red and oozes blood all over his chips. He assures me it is warm. Probably because it's still alive, I think.

I chew mine. And chew and chew. Nothing's happening. I try to hide the vast quantities of meat in cheek pouches. Am now aware I looked like a hamster. Mike's staring at me, an odd expression on his face.

Now his mum's bringing out the dessert. I excuse myself and go to the loo.

I spit it into the toilet. Shameful, I know, but what was I supposed to do? The pieces of half-chewed steak float there for a few seconds and then line the bottom of the pristine white toilet.

I flush. Nothing happens. I pace whilst it fills up and frantically flush again. Nothing. On my first visit ever to long-term boyfriend's house, I have lined the bottom of their loo with chewed up beef.

I walk back downstairs, red-faced. I frantically motion with my eyes at Mike. I look at the toilet, and then him and back again. He doesn't understand. We'd only been together for 3 months. I'm not surprised he was horrified. Eventually he gets it and goes to the toilet.

Five minutes later he comes back, his sleeves rolled up and a horrified expression on his face.

It's a wonder we're still together really.

Labels: embarrassing, Mike, Nablopo year?, reminiscing

by billygean.co.uk at 1:46 AM |