Saturday, August 12, 2006
Legally Bound
The lady in charge of Professional Trainee Loans looked at me. "Okay, we are going to need to go through your budget just to see what sort of outgoings you've got," she said.Oh God. The Budget. "Okay," I said smiling.
"Right, let's start at the top then, how much is your rent?"
"That's one easy, £225 per month."
"Okay, and what would you say your electricy, gas etc bills are?"
I haven't the faintest idea. I have no idea who even supplies it. I decided to stall.
"What would you say?"
"Pardon?"
"What is a normal bill?"
She stared at me. "I would say about £30 per month," she said slowly.
"Okay I'll have that one."
"Which one?"
"The thirty."
"Right," she said, exhaling loudly. "And what would you say you spend on socialising?"
Oh hell. I have an addition to eating out, red wine, the cinema, train travel... Hang on, though. Socialising is technically free. How much do I spend on talking to people? Well, not very much at all!
"Five pounds per month."
"Five pounds per month?"
"Okay, maybe ten."
"Are you sure? Do you not go out?"
That was not the illusion I was trying to create.
"Okay, twenty."
"That's better. It's good to go out, you know," she said, biting her bottom lip.
"I do know that."
"Okay, toiletries?"
"Does that include bath stuff?" I said quickly.
"What?"
"Well I probably spend two pounds per month on toiletries but I spend an awful lot in a shop called Lush."
"Ah, yes, Lush," she said.
What? What? Does she mean "ah, yes, I know lush and totally see where you're coming from, or "ah, yes, you're lush girl, the manager warned me about you"?
Don't ask her what she means. Do NOT ask her what she means.
"We'll say thirty pounds then," I said.
"So the same as your gas and electricity bill?"
"That's right."
There was a rather long pause.
"Okay. Well that's over with. Now would you like one of our credit cards?
What? I am clearly deranged and unable to stop spending money. Why is she doing this to me?
"No. No. No. That would not be good," I said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I don't want one, it would be fatal."
"You don't have to use it."
"But I would."
"It has a bear on it."
"Okay, I'll take it."
by billygean.co.uk at 9:20 AM |
10 Comments:
if that's a bank manager in charge of giving money away and credit, I would like her name, phone number and to take her out for coffee. and cake.
Please!
Good lord--you and J have the same disease. He was just telling me a about a job he thinks he will get for the winter. "And now I have an excuse to buy snowpants! I mean, I've always wanted them, but I've managed not to buy them till now..."
Good lord--you and J have the same disease. He was just telling me a about a job he thinks he will get for the winter. "And now I have an excuse to buy snowpants! I mean, I've always wanted them, but I've managed not to buy them till now..."
james once went into the bank to close an account and came out with a new credit card and a savings account. Apparently the woman was blonde and very persuasive..
(by the way - your shampoo alone must come to more than two pounds! if i remember right i believe you had a liking for salon style brown hair brands? :P)
I wanna quit the bank!!
"we could go to the bank and close our accounts and cut them off at the source!"
"i wanna quit the gym!"
I love your blog! Been reading for awhile now. Watch out for credit cards with bears -- they're particularly malicious. :)
Hi, Meg. Nice to see you! How'd you find my site? I am checking your blog out as I type...
BG
Heya!
Mine was much funnier before my thesis consumed my soul...sorry about the last couple months of boredom. I can't remember how I found it -- maybe through Dooce? Really enjoy it, though. Mine should improve soon, I swear.
Just strayed across from Petite's blog - and overstayed, like the man who came to dinner (S. Leacock reference, v. literary) except do know when to go.
Nice
Post a Comment
<< Home