Billygean.co.uk

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Do you see what the interviews are DOING TO ME?

"I found a white hair today," I said to Mike.

"Where?"

"ON MY HEAD."

"Gill," he said, looking at me. "Your hair is dyed."

"YES. The hair was brown and the root was white."

"Where is the hair now?"

"I pulled it out," I said, noting how obsessive and weird this sounded. "But there is another."

"Show me, then," Mike said, sighing.

I knelt down in front of him and indicated the clump of hairs.

After pawing through my hair for a few moments and pretending to very seriously inspect it, Mike said "there is not a single white hair in there."

"Good," I said, going to get changed out of my suit and into my pyjamas. As is the norm.

"Gill..." Mike said a few moments later, peering into my room.

I stepped back from my mirror. "I'm not inspecting my hair," I said.

"Yeah, right," Mike said. "What's that?" he said, looking at my clenched fist.

"I pulled it out."

"The hair?"

"Yes."

"Let me see then," he said, inspecting it. After a few moments, he said it was either blonde or not a big deal because hair dye existed. Of course for me this meant months of covering up my white hair, and wearing hats and watching it fall out onto my pillow. My heart started racing.

I snatched the hair off him and layed it across a piece of white paper, where it promtly DISAPPEARED INTO THE WHITE BACKGROUND.

"Oh my GOD," I said, feeling faint. "It's white, it's white."

"I am NOT GETTING INVOLVED IN THIS CHARADE," he said.

"IT IS THE SAME COLOUR AS THE PAPER."

"Gill, that is yellow. You have blonde hair secretly. And we all knew that."

After proclaiming he "despaired of me", he made me put the yellow/white hair into the bin and banned me from talking about it for the rest of the evening.

by billygean.co.uk at 5:16 PM |